The Honey and the Money

As I entered into ministry a few years ago, I was given some odd, yet insightful and memorable, words of wisdom.  United Methodist Pastors, for generations, have enjoyed a "guaranteed appointment" system, wherein we are guaranteed a job and our churches are guaranteed a pastor.

For generations, it's been hard to lose your credentials as a pastor.  Those words of wisdom spoken to me: "Stay away from the honey and the money and you'll be here for a long time."  Yet every year, we hear about pastors and staff members who just can't stay away.  They have extramarital affairs or they misappropriate/embezzle church funds.

Since becoming a pastor, I've witnessed the exodus of 4-10 pastors per year from our annual conference, most for "the honey."  In the last year, I've seen two staff members, one that I used to work with and one that I used to be friends with, get caught with their hand in the cookie jar - both will likely face criminal prosecution for embezzlement.

It's sad that all Christian leaders can't have more integrity than this, but we have a long history of ministers, staff members, and lay leaders caught with their pants down or helping themselves to church funds.  When these things happen, the betrayal usually hurts dozens, if not hundreds, of people.  The physical ramifications are bad enough, but the emotional and spiritual damage goes very deep, destroying people's trust and fracturing relationships.  These acts will stunt the growth of any church, both in the relationships within the congregation and between the church and the community. 

If you're a pastor, staff member, or lay leader within a local church, beware of the honey and the money.  Churches are trusting places and opportunity abounds to make poor decisions.  Should you find yourself dealing with those temptations, don't look away, don't walk away, but RUN AWAY!  Find accountability with someone you trust and let them help you avoid the opportunities that will be your downfall.

Most pastors who have extramarital affairs aren't caught the first time they do it.  Usually once the truth is revealed a trail of prior relationships emerges, usually affecting multiple churches. 

As for those who steal from churches, both of the people I mentioned above absconded with thousands of dollars.  Both started with small amounts and gradually took more and more.  One took more than $30,000 over the course of 8 years. 

I believe that both are addictions, much like drugs and alcohol.  There is a high involved - a feel good moment - followed by the need to do it again.  Each time gets bolder and bolder and most people don't stop until they are forced to stop.

So I say again, if the temptation is there, just saying no isn't going to cut it.  Find a strong friend to hold you accountable and to keep you on the right path.  And avoid the opportunities.  I never meet with someone alone and I handle as few funds and possible, always with someone looking over my shoulder.

If you do get into the honey or the money and you think you're getting away with it, you may be for now, but you will be caught.  The outcome will not be pretty and will likely affect the rest of your life in horrible ways, not to mention cause massive destruction for others.  The consequences are much greater than the gratification you may be getting in the moment.

So what about the victims?  What should we do if someone commits these acts against us or our church?  I believe there must be a balance between grace and accountability.  I believe that there is a need for forgiveness and also for prosecution.  We strive to forgive others because that's what Christ taught and exemplified for us - it's our model for life.

However, we often neglect the fact that the church is much greater than our own local church.  If we choose to forgive and forget, the violator is free to gain employment in another local church and commit the same acts again and again, never facing consequences.  When we call for a person's resignation without attaching any sort of asterisk to their resume, we tell the fox to stop raiding the hen house, send him on his way, and hope that he becomes a vegetarian.

If we become too vigilant, we risk our own salvation.  If we are too forgiving, we become complicit when the would-be felon strikes again.

The bottom line is this: stay away from the honey and the money.